Json laid his heart on the line on “Secrets (Part 2),” track No. 12 on the Lamp Mode Recordings artist’s fifth studio album, “Braille,” speaking to the rarely talked about side of sexual abuse—it’s effect on the victim’s spouse.
The rapper released the first “Secrets” on his previous project, “Growing Pains.”
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Json penned the song from the perspective of a child sexually abused by her father. He revealed in the intro to “Secrets (Part 2)” that his wife’s testimony inspired Part 1. He wrote the follow-up from his perspective, as a victim of the effects that sexual abuse has on a victim.
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“I’m [going to] murder this dude,” Json thought when those effects pushed him to the edge. “I know how to pull it off. I could do this.”
His marriage suffered due to issues he couldn’t control. The heartbreaking past blast the hip-hop artist with feelings of being pushed away. It affected the couple’s intimacy, and he couldn’t do the slightest thing about it.
Json felt helpless. He opened up on “Secrets (Part 2),” saying it made him feel less than a man. That’s what led him to contemplate murder.
“I’m not exaggerating,” he told Wade-O Radio. “I had it mapped out.”
Json explained his plans over text to several friends including Flame, Thi’sl and Future. They called Json, shared tears and encouraged him. They pointed Json to the gospel, and their ability to do so without overlooking his emotions helped him tremendously.
“Hearing these Christian slogans, nobody knows what I’m dealing with,” he said on “Secrets (Part 2).”
Json referred to times when people, rather than simply lending an open ear, tried to give him answers to his problems as a form of comfort. He explained further, saying that hearing “God is good, all the time” isn’t always what those struggling through a trial need. That’s why Json said finding friends who were willing to listen and use discernment as to when and what advice to give was critical.
He also listed a couple’s ability to communicate, even through the most emotionally draining conversations, as a necessary component of survival through a past scarred by sexual abuse. Without that communication, Json said, one’s marriage could be in jeopardy.
When his wife battled through a state of depression almost two years ago, neither of them knew what was going on. Eventually, she identified the cause—a past that she had kept buried for over a decade. When it surfaced, it led to painful misunderstanding.
“As a husband, your only desire is for your wife and your family to be happy,” said Json. “I’m like, ‘Dang, I know I ain’t the best husband in the world, but I don’t think I’m terrible.’ I’m fighting to make my wife happy and I’m wondering, ‘Why is there no joy?’ and she couldn’t put her finger on it. It was this unresolved thing that was starting to come out. I’m running around as a husband, I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know what to feel, I don’t know what to think.”
Json asked for prayer not only for him and his wife, but all of the couples who are living in an aftermath of sexual abuse, including the ones who don’t even realize that they are. He stressed that they all need prayer because their struggle isn’t a momentary one.
“I don’t think on this side of heaven, it’ll ever be over and done with, but we do have a hope to look forward to,” said Json. “The Bible is clear, when Christ cracks that sky, in the twinkling of an eye, we will be made like Him. All things will be new. Pain, tears, all that stuff will be washed away, so we have a hope to look forward to and we continue to press in that.”
The clouds may not go away, but Json knows God still shines behind them.
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