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Dealing with Porn Pt. 1: A Christian Man’s Struggle w/ Porn

According to recent statistics, 70% of men have viewed pornography sometime during the past 30 days.  This includes Christians and Non-Christians.  This includes, young men and older men.  This includes married men as well as single men.  For each of those demographics, the stats don’t move much.  60-70% of men are addicted to pornography.  So to say that there is a huge issue with Men and pornography addiction within our society, is an understatement.

I use to be one of these men.  I looked at my first pornographic magazine sometime in middle school and this started a downward spiral that impacted my life for over a decade.  The lies, the hiding, the shame, the struggle.  It all ate me up inside.  I’d say I was going to stop, only to give in several days and sometimes even hours later.  I believed that I couldn’t tell anyone for fear of being viewed as a weirdo or ostracized by people.

This continued on even after I gave my life to the Lord.  It even continued into the first couple of years of my marriage.  Obviously this had a negative impact on both my walk with the Lord, as well as my Union to my wife.  The thing is, I didn’t realize it.  I thought no one knew and that my little secret wasn’t harming anyone, including myself.

One day, my wife, Belinda, pulled me aside and said she wanted to talk to me.  She explained that she had seen the Internet History on my computer.  She was exposed to all the sites I had looked at and wanted to know why I was looking at these sites.  I had no choice but to admit my struggle to her and how long it had been a struggle.

She was crushed and simultaneously furious.

Belinda had every right to experience both of these emotions as I had broken our marriage vows via my pornography addiction and dishonesty.  She then asked me what I planned to do about it.  I had no answer, which only added to her pain.  She then went for the jugular.  She looked me square in my eyes and asked me what kind of example I was going to be to my sons.   What was I going to say to them when its time to talk sex, lust and dating?

I was beyond embarrassed.  I felt worthless.  I thought I was a loser.  I knew I was a liar.  In my heart, I wasn’t ready to give up my addiction.  Pornography was my way of escape.  It represented how I dealt with stressful situations.  The detachment, the impersonal nature of it all, the lust: it was all a crutch for me.  In my mind, I could look at the porn in my secrecy and while I knew it was sin, I had convinced myself that it wasn’t hurting anyone, including me.

Satan had done a great job of deceiving me.  That faulty thought process could not have been further from the truth.

The Lord began to show me that my lack of Spiritual intimacy with Him was a direct result of my sexual sin.  My lack of trust for people, stemmed from the fact that I wasn’t trustworthy and was living with a huge lie in my closet that I was fearful of anyone finding out.  The impersonal nature that accompanied my interactions with others also developed from this struggle.  The fact that I couldn’t even admit to anyone in authority that I was struggling with an addiction to pornography even spoke to my integrity.  I had none.  I was living a lie and I needed to do something about it.

Thankfully, I did decided to do something about it.  To learn what I did to overcome my addiction, check out Part 2 in our Dealing with Porn Series entitled: Dealing with Porn Pt. 2: 4 Steps to Overcoming a Pornography Addiction.

Ed. Note: We strongly recommend that anyone who struggles with sexual sin, particularly on the internet, should use a service like Covenant Eyes (Affiliate link) for accountability. I use them on every device that I own and it helps keep me honest even when I don’t want to be honest. Our affiliate code, WadeORadio, allows you to try the first month free of charge. You can find out more about covenant eyes here. – Wade

Question

  • Have you ever dealt with an addiction?
  • What steps have you taken to overcome that addiction?

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DJ Wade-O is a New Jersey-based DJ, Radio Host/Producer and blogger who loves Jesus.  He's married and has 3 kids. He also has a tendency to binge watch TV Series via Netflix and Amazon Prime.

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