I had the opportunity to receive an advanced copy of Sex, God, and the Single Life: An Honest Journey to Satisfying Intimacy by The Urban Gospel Mission (TUGM) founder and author Hafeez Baoku. Baoku is no stranger to Wadeoradio.com, as he has contributed to the site on a few occasions.
Baoku’s book officially released August 5.
I was thoroughly intrigued by the title alone, as this book is for singles by a single. Baoku immediately gives the disclaimer that he is not an sex expert or therapist, but an individual whose eyes have been opened and life has been changed to understand the true satisfying intimacy of sex and its purpose.
In our society and culture today, sex is everywhere. It’s referenced in musical lyrics, it’s scattered across our television and movie screens, and is constantly floating around on the internet via advertisements. Ultimately, “sex sells.”
As Christian singles, we have all bought into some type of lie concerning sex and God. Sex, God, and The Single Life dives in head first by addressing the lies about sex and proclaiming truth concerning its true meaning. The book not only points out the problem but later on gives solutions to how, as single, we can find true and satisfying intimacy.
Quick Summary from the Book:
Most singles, whether Christian or not, might describe their experiences with sex and love in one word: dissatisfied. Whether because of broken relationships, random hook-ups, romance novels, pornography, or casual sex, many have experienced nights of pleasure only to wake up to days of emptiness and regrets.
In Sex, God, and the Single Life, Hafeez shares of his own journey from sexual regrets and frustration to sexual joy and satisfaction. Through an exploration of scripture and an honest discussion of God’s purpose and design for real intimacy, this dynamic book will reveal the path to satisfaction that singles everywhere have been yearning for.
What the Book Addresses:
Baoku breaks down the book into five parts where he begins with understanding what sex is and what we’ve learned about it. He highlights his own journey with sex, where he received his cues from, and how the Lord has restored him from promiscuity and pornography.
Sex, God, and the Single Life addresses all angles on sex, satisfaction, God, love, and relationships, both from the male and female perspective. With addressing all angles concerning sex, both negative and positive, Baoku takes a look at the problem of sex, outside of it’s true purpose, and provides solutions for those who may be in different predicaments.
Whether you are a virgin, married or have a past of promiscuity, Baoku is able to give hope to those who may have been tarnished by the world’s standard of sex and relationships. His hope lies in the factor and understanding that what the heart wants from sex or intimacy, it cannot be found in a man or woman, but in God alone.
What you will get from the book:
Baoku does an excellent job of not only high lightening his personal struggle and journey with sex, but he pinpoints every aspect of relationships, marriage, and what both men and women want or look for in an intimate relationship.
Ultimately, Baoku helps the reader understand that true intimacy and satisfaction from sex and the single life can only be found in God. A man or a woman cannot satisfy the longing you have inside. Only God can do that.
Along with understanding that true intimacy can only be found in God, Baoku presents an honest, vulnerable, transparent, relatable, and relevant book for those who are both single and married. Along with Baoku presenting his personal struggles, he provides helpful examples and professional advice from licensed counselors.
Why ‘Sex, God, and The Single Life’ is needed
As a single woman in my mid-twenties, I wish I had a book like this around earlier in my walk with Christ. It would have helped with understanding the ultimate purpose for sex and marriage, in a godly context. For too long society has told us what sex is, when you should do have sex, and with how many people. And if they don’t satisfy you, move on to the next person. We have been fed unhealthy aspects of relationships, sex, and pleasure. Sex, God, and the Single Life helps combat what society says.
What I liked
There are three aspects of the book that I really liked.
1. Presenting a Solution
With a book like this, it could have been easy for Baoku to just present a problem and not provide solutions. Instead of doing that, he provided detailed information on how to have healthy heterosexual relationships, how to have healthy conversations about sex, self-control, and how and why you should be kept accountable.
2. Reflection Questions
After each chapter, Baoku provides reflection questions. These questions will challenge and possibly convict you. They helped me put certain things into perspective. He also provided an additional Q&A section for further discussion and explanation.
I commend Baoku for his courage to be transparent and vulnerable concerning such a taboo topic like sex and the single Christian. This book is honest and reaffirms some of the thoughts we all think concerning being a Christian and wanting a true intimate relationship with the opposite sex.
Quick Nuggets from each Section
The book is strategically broken into five parts, where Baoku starts from the beginning with understanding sex and then ends with the explanation of where true sexual joy and satisfaction comes from.
There are so many good nuggets highlighted in the book that I decided to pick five from each section, that stood out to me.
Part 1: What We Have Already Learned About Sex?
“As I said earlier, teenagers over-exaggerate their sexual experiences and knowledge in order to prove to others that they are experts about sex. But while their bodies are physically capable of having sex, their minds are not mature enough to comprehend the true meaning of sex.” (pg. 23-24)
Part 2: What We Were Never Taught About Sex
“Every action begins as a thought, and every thought comes from the broken soul of the individual, which is longing to be satisfied with something outside the will of God.” (pg. 52-53)
Part 3: How To Experience A Healthy, Whole Sexuality
“When a single person experiences sexual satisfaction, it means that the individual is content in his or her own sexuality – that he or she experiences a contentment that results from knowing and valuing God’s design for sexuality as the only way to experience joy and sexual satisfaction.” (pg. 85)
Part 4: The Sexual Dilemma
“God created us as sexual beings, and there is nothing inherenty evil about us wanting to experience the beauty of sexual intimacy in a Christ-centered marriage. Yet as with everything that is good in life, we need to learn how to place sex in its proper context. Everything that has great potential for good also has great potential for harm if it is abused.” (pg. 138)
Part 5: True Sexual Joy and Satisfaction
“Love, when it comes down to it, is a decision that we make for someone else’s good. Enduring love is a series of such decisions – not a perfect, unbroken strand of them but a long history of deciding to act on what is best for the person we say we love.” (pg. 155)
Sex, God, and The Single Life is a book that challenges the reader to understand sexuality and its purpose. Baoku doesn’t just provide information to boast up knowlegde, but he provides beneficial information that builds open and healthy conversations about sex, God, and the single life. True pleasure and satisfaction is ultimatly found in God and his perfect design.
To order the book via Amazon, click here. (Affiliate Link)